Lifestyle | An Update

It seems like I haven't blogged for a while, it's only been a month but for me it feels like 6 months. There has been a lot going on in my life and I'm still getting back to normal however I wanted to start blogging again and feel like an update to wipe the slate clean and start fresh is needed.

When I started blogging I had high hopes and dreams of being popular and having a massive following however after a few months I realised it was more about being apart of something for me and gaining friends rather then followers was more important. Lately I haven't read any blogs or commented on anyone posts, I've not taken part in any chats and I've not attending any events.

This is all down to my mental health, I've spoken in the past on my blog and my Youtube about how I used to suffer with depression and I've always felt like I was moving forward, it was something in the past. However it's now something I'm having to deal with in my current life and it's a lot more aggressive and a lot more severe.

That being said I will be back soon and at first I may post and then wait a few days before posting again but I finally feel well enough to do something I really enjoy and blogging is something that I really enjoy. So look forward to some new posts coming soon and I'll be back to normal posting very soon!

Lifestyle | How I Stay Happy

I've suffered throughout my teens and into my adult life with a serious case of depression, this has come in waves that like to hit me when I least expect it causing me to spiral into a downwards path and out of control. I have several ways I like to keep happy and try to attempt these things before I get to bad and for today's post I wanted to share how I like to stay happy.

Life With Depression

I've been open about having anxiety before but never to open about my Depression which still affects me to this day. I was diagnosed with stress, anxiety and depression when I was 15 years old and now that I'm 25 it's still with me and still effects me. I was extremely ill when I was 15 up until around 17 and I wanted to share what happened, how I overcome it and also why I still have it.

So it started at 15 when I would feel really awful about myself and I felt like I was worthless, no one liked me and no one wanted me to be here. This was untrue I had friends, family who loved me and I was not worthless, however my mind told me I was and I believed it. TRIGGER WARNING I began to self harm which was me cutting my arms to the point where I began to enjoy it, I liked the feeling of cutting my skin and didn't want to stop due to enjoying it.

At 16 after hating myself for a year something major happened which effects me badly to this day, I was in school and something changed it was like a switch went in my brain and I couldn't breath everything went funny and I went lightheaded before almost being sick, I thought I was going to pass out and thought I was having a heart attack, this was the start of my panic attacks.

I had this so bad I was pulled from school and to this day I hate them, I can't go near a school and I can never go in one. This made me go silent and not talk to anyone my mum noticed right away and took me to the doctors, I was placed on anti depressants and this was the start of getting better. I was told to go to counselling and I started to smile more and feel like I was suppose to be here.

This carried on for several years I would be happy and then awfully sad. I would go on tablets and then off them, I would cut and then heal again. It was a never ending cycle of hating myself then being so happy, it confused people which made me feel odd.

I learnt to hide it and learnt to make myself happy to keep people from asking questions, I kept up with my doctors appointments and one day I realised I was no longer faking being happy, I was actually happy. I had nice friends, a good job, a loving family and also hobbies which made me happy and I suddenly stopped taking tablets, stopped speaking to doctors and stopped hurting myself.

I want to end this post saying I'm better but I can't as I don't want to lie, I get low all the time and get restless, worried, my anxiety fits back, I panic, I don't talk and I hate myself but I always pull through knowing it's only going to last a few days. Family notice and always give me space, friends take note and always reassure me it's going to be fine, this works for me and I'm so grateful for that.

To keep myself from going back to being ill I always keep myself busy, writing a blog helps and also travelling helps me a lot. I keep busy and take the time I need to heal and rest before going back to life again, it's important to do this just to restart,

If you have been affected by this post you can email me directly at jessb1991@gmail.com you can go to this website here, thank you x